Wired Differently, Not Broken

I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD, but I’ve spent most of my life feeling like my brain is wired differently. As a kid, I could float between any group, chatty, curious, I fit in with every “kliq”, but I was full of questions "How”, and "Why” were my favourite words. Science was always my favourite subject, it gave me the reasons things were the way they were. I got answers, it was there in black and white in the text book. The need for clarification, fulfilled.

I wasn’t badly behaved, but I couldn’t sit still. One time, when I was young, the teachers found me outside playing in the snow. This was after I asked to use the toilet, but didn't return for ages, I was out there on my own. Just being a kid? Maybe. ADHD? Possibly.

Maybe the signs were there early. Who knows.

Teachers saw me as bright but easily distracted. “Smart, intuitive, but needs to apply himself” they said. “Finishes his work early, then disrupts the class”. My parents were called in a few times because of it. They told the teachers that clearly I was bored, because I'd finished the work, I couldn't just sit there and do nothing.

But….I then had to sit at the back of the class, sit there with fingers on lips until people caught up.

Then came the class reading. We all had to read a page, or paragraph, when the teacher called our name.

When it came to calling my name, I was always a few pages in front, man they read so slow! It was debilitating.

But again, I was punished for going too quickly.

Teachers thought I was doing it on purpose.

I thought I was just a bit different.

As I got older, that restlessness never left. I found comfort in noise, pubs, people, chaos. It felt easier to stay distracted than face the storm of thoughts in my own mind. I wore the mask of the social guy, the confident one. But the truth was, I felt lost, I knew something was different.

“You're so weird,” they said.

Eventually, life brought me to a turning point. A moment where everything I was avoiding caught up with me. It was messy, painful, and deeply personal. I don’t share it for pity, I share it because it led to something important…. I got sober. That one decision changed the direction of my life.

In sobriety, the quiet hit me hard. With the distractions stripped away, I started to notice things about myself.

Patterns, struggles….strengths. I realised I wasn’t broken, but my brain just worked differently.

I could hyperfocus for hours, yet forget simple things. Lose my keys multiple times a day, find my wallet in the fridge, I’d get overwhelmed by noise, yet crave stimulation. I’d eat the same food for weeks on end, with the exact same fork.

ADHD? Maybe. Autism? Possibly. I don’t have the label, but I feel the experience.

Now, I’m learning to work with my mind instead of against it. I'm building a life with purpose and presence. I have clarity now.

I still get things wrong. I still get distracted. I still struggle with impulsivity, I still find my wallet in the fridge occasionally.

But now I recognise it.

I’m no longer running. I'm showing up, for myself, and for the people I love.

This isn’t a diagnosis, it’s a discovery. This is where life begins.

If you're reading this, one can assume you're curious about your own thoughts.

What I say to you is….

“Your brain isn't broken, it's just wired differently. Don't waste your energy trying to fit into a system that wasn't built for you. Build your own! Square pegs don't fit in round holes, build yourself a square hole.

You aren't lazy, you aren't selfish. You're just misunderstood. Don't feel ashamed for how your brain reacts to a world that doesn't make space for it.

You got this.

Much love ❤️