How Our Child’s Autism Diagnosis Didn’t Change Anything—But Changed Everything

In 2015, I got pregnant for the first time. I was so excited, I felt a kind of love I had never experienced before. A few months later, I found out I was having a boy. Everything looked good so far. I had a smooth delivery, and for the first few months, everything felt calm.

This new baby who joined our family was very quiet. He would eat or sleep every two hours like clockwork. I knew what to do and when to do it. We were thriving on routine.

Years went by, and after moving through several cities (we used to move a lot), something shifted. Our happy little boy began to struggle. Moving to a new city wasn’t easy for him. He began crying for hours at a time. Making friends became harder. I also started noticing toe-walking and stimming. I didn’t know what that meant. I assumed it was just the stress of adjusting to a new place and that it would eventually pass.

It wasn’t until a relative suggested the possibility of autism that we started digging into what that really meant.

Looking back now, I remember how those baby development apps briefly mentioned autism. The “warning signs” were things like not making eye contact or missing developmental milestones. But my baby made eye contact when I called his name (mind you a few times). And while he was a little late on a few things, the paediatrician reassured me, “Some babies just like to do things in their own time.”

We went through two rounds of assessments. The first one at age four, and another around eight. In both cases, we relied on our memory, trying to remember situations that give enough information to our healthcare team. However, on our second round of assessments I was more prepared. I had read more books, talked to more people and spent countless hours reading information on how to support my children. 

Yesterday, our pediatrician confirmed that our son met the criteria for autism.

In the last five years, our lives have changed a lot without actually changing that much.

What shifted was our understanding. We learned to recognize our son’s needs and lean into his strengths. We still thrive on routines, but now we’re more mindful of sensory differences. We advocate differently. We notice things we didn’t notice before. We are adapting, and working together.

We started to look at life through his lenses.

And yet—nothing changed.

Our son is still the same person he’s always been: bright, funny, clever, kind, thoughtful. He didn’t become someone new because of a word. He just became someone we could understand better.

Now, we know more, which means we can do more. 

This process wasn’t easy, but now I can see how it was worth it. Now we are a family of four. A beautiful, energetic, kind, creative little girl came to join us. She also needs extra support, and we feel more confident that we can act faster.

For us an autism diagnosis helped us know more about our child, about ourselves. It is giving us a map. At least a first step. 

Our journey hasn’t been linear. It’s been filled with questions, confusion, growth, and love. But through it all, we’ve come to understand one simple truth:

Our child didn’t need to change. We just needed to learn how to see him more clearly.

Follow me on my learning journey about parenting an autistic child on www.stepbyste.com.